you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
