I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
