Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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