loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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