So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
