She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
