the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
