his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
