woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
