Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
