So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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