I want to stick my p in your. b.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
