i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
