How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
