I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
