she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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