Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
