But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
