Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
