i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
