I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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