So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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