I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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