things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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