I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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