I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just gift wrapped bread.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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