I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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