Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
