im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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