My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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