somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
