Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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