My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
