Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
