I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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