Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
