this beer tastes like vomit already
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How external is "for external use only"?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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