Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
