I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my shit smells like andre
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
