I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
