A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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