ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
