Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
