Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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