make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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