I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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