were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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