hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
