Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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