we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Did you just see the Batmobile???
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
