the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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