its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
