I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
