I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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